Hello! You may remember me from yesterday, or perhaps you may not. Let me refresh your memory: around 6 PM, I was headed south on Rt 81 near the NY/PA border. You passed me, driving a dark green 1992 Griffen Edition Saab 9000 CD. I didn't really pay attention to you at first - after all, plenty of cars passed me last night, since I was on the highway for 4 or 5 hours.
At any rate, soon after passing me, you slowed down. I noticed that one of your passengers - a young man sitting in the back seat - had turned around to stare. He had a big, stupid grin on his face. When you had slowed to the point that I was traveling faster than you, I signaled, then pulled into the passing lane to execute a pass. I had my cruise control on - in fact, I had it on through this entire ordeal, so I can be sure it was your erratic driving habits that caused this issue, not any fluctuation in speed on my behalf.
As I slowly passed, you slowly increased your speed until you were matching mine. We then proceeded to drive for a mile or two immediately adjacent to eachother. As we approached a slower vehicle in the right lane, you immediately nailed your throttle, cut me off, and passed the slower vehicle. Since you were once again several car lengths ahead of me, I pulled back to the right.
This process repeated itself many dozens of times over the next half an hour. You would start out ahead of me, then slow down until I was forced to pull to the left and get next to you. At this point, you would nail the throttle and take off into the distance.
Perhaps I am jumping to conclusions, but I'm guessing that you put such effort into your driving pattern because you were trying to encourage me t0 engage in street racing.
To curtail the risk of becoming long-winded, let me get to the point by making a statement: I only race on the track.
I apologize if my car looked tempting to you because of its sporty nature. Sure, I have a large exhaust, big wheels with low-profile tires, and a big honkin' spoiler, but hey - the car came that way from the factory; and it has more than enough performance to actually justify these features. I have absolutely nothing against Saabs - especially some of the limited production models from years passed. In fact, I own an older, limited production Saab myself. However, I'm not sure what your goal was in trying to race me - my car, stock, has more than 60 hp and 60 flt-lbs of an advantage over yours. Your car has a sluggish 4-speed automatic transmission, while mine has a close-ratio 6 speed. Plus, my car weighs 100 lbs less - empty, that is: you had 4 friends with you and I was by myself, so the real weight difference was likely far greater. I think we can clearly agree that at highway speeds, I would have embarrassed you in a street race (in front of said friends, no less.)
At any rate, I appreciate the attention you showed. However, I am sure that you were extremely frustrated to miss an opportunity to show off in front of your friends, and as such I would like to extend a (sincere) invitation: If you are truly interested in seeing how you and your car stack up against me and my car, pick any Solo II event in the Northeast US and I'll meet you there. Heck - I don't normally enjoy drag racing, but if you're afraid of corners, I'll even meet you at any local drag strip. I'll even bring a set of wheels and tires that would be appropriate for your car to use in either situation (I have more old Saab wheels in my garage than I'd like to admit) in case you're worried about ruining your street rubber on the track. You can even bring your buddies along, though they'll have to watch from the sidelines. Given your display of driving skill, this might be the safest place for them, anyways.
I look forward to the opportunity to get you hooked on (legal) auto racing.
PS - Whiteys from the sticks look really, really silly with oversized, flat brimmed baseball caps propped sideways on their head.
PPS - If you ever see me on the highway and try these stunts again, I'm going to call the police. I know which exits you got on and off at, and I know your license plate number - so I'm sure I'll be able to help them find you.